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Lancashire Cricket Board - On the outside looking in – 2
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On the outside looking in – 2

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Now the Shakers are on the up

I was actually on the inside looking out today. I had been threatening the Mighty Titch that I would once again test out his magical ability to produce a splendid cup of coffee at headquarters, and I got round to doing just that  today. His coffee brewing finesse has not waned at all and I enjoyed a chat with him sat in the LCB Offices at EOT overlooking the Car Park. Whilst supping my coffee Mr Gary Porter, now of the LCCC Foundation, came around and offered me a biscuit. “Make sure you mention this fact in your blog”, he said – hence providing the impetus for me to go into blog mode again. I have known Gary for many, many, many years and he was always very supportive of our LSCA activities. He is one of my many blog followers as well.


From what Titch was telling me today and from what I have been looking at on this website everything appears to be all set for the season of 2014. In fact for a period of time this afternoon the weather was very spring like. I was in any event basking in the warmth generated from the Shakers 4-1 hammering of Mansfield Town last night which has seen them shoot up the League 2 table. Flitty’s lads must not relax, however, as the gap between at least eight teams at the bottom of the League is down to just six or seven points. At least I will now be spared the OTT remarks from that Brentford fan from St Annes (Mr J Hood).


For those of you concerned about my health position and looking for an updated bulletin on the state of my gout – well I am pleased to say that there are signs that the blessed thing is on its way out. I know that the above mentioned Brentford fan assures me that whenever HIS gout starts he is able to have it under control in a matter of days by drinking lots of water. Well I do actually follow his advice except that my water has other ingredients as well.


I am as you know not one to moan about things that annoy me BUT I am going to do so. WHY ??? Well Chez Turks Road is now in the middle of a massive 20 mph Zone installed by Bury Metro after consultation!!!. Turks Road itself is the major main road which thrusts through this zone with the Moss Shaw Estate to the north and the Bolton Road Estate to the south. The entry points to this zone have all got the required 20mph signs and at a few points on the estate roads workmen have painted 20mph signs on the surface of the road. This 20mph zone covers a rather large area and today as I returned from Old Trafford (sorry Emirates OT) I entered this zone on Unsworth Street which leads up past Radcliffe CC and the Radcliffe Borough FC. Now over the past few weeks I have formed the opinion that I am possibly the only person who is attempting to conform to the 20mph limit. Whoops better include the Good Lady as well. Today I was followed up Unsworth Street by a Man in a White Van. As I tickled along at just over 20mph he drove so close to my rear bumper that I could see the anguished look on his face – I duly pulled over and he shot past me at pace heading up said Unsworth Street. Now there are speed bumps on this road as well and he gave a passable impression of Evel Knievel as he shot over them at well over 30mph at least. From said Unsworth Street I then turned left on to Turks Road. To enable a safe turn in to my drive as I have an ever larger tree by the year near the bottom of that drive I had to pull in to the side to await a suitable opportunity. Whilst sat in my car I watched two cars pass me heading west and one t’other way with not one doing less than at least 40mph – two were taxis?? Where were the law enforcement officers and wasn’t it the intention of the Bury Metro initiative to make the roads in this area safer, or were they just ticking some boxes to make the efforts of said organisation look better. Mind you wherever one drives today there seems almost a manic desire not to follow the Highway Code. If Bury Metro had really wanted to help make Turks Road safer they could have arranged for the massive holes now appearing almost everywhere to be filled in. Having said that it would have done my heart good today to have seen Man in White Van disappearing down one of those holes.


Now I am after a little help. As you will be aware the missus and me are rather keen cruise aficionados. I know our next venture is not on a ship but I am pretty sure that it will not be too long before we are on the high seas again. This winter as part of my tactics to find something to occupy my mind as sorting multitudinous fixtures was no longer on my agenda I turned my attentions to creating a Cruise Blog. Over ten years ago after I had retired from my paid job I dallied with producing a Guide to Cruising. In those days the internet industry was still developing and my first attempt at a Cruise Guide was produced in MS Publisher and then converted to Adobe and was a book sort of thing. I still have a version of this tucked away somewhere and did hawk it around some travel agents. Eventually I gave up any hope of this making me millions.


Although I reckon I am pretty good with MS Office and to some extent Adobe Acrobat I am useless with HTML and Web Design. For my latest version of a potential 2014 or even 2015 Guide to Cruising I am using Word and then converting to Adobe. I have been able to suss out how to link separate articles within the Adobe framework and have come up with a starting page which looks just like this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



 I have completed some of these articles especially the personal reminiscences but still have many to do. What I could do with is someone with more knowledge than me of how to create Web Blog pages having a look at what I have done to date – and possibly pointing me, and himself, into making the millions I had been aiming at making ten years ago. Well the “millions” may not be financial millions but they may be blog followers millions.


If nothing else it gives me something to do of most evenings, and most days for that matter, now that cricket has taken a little bit of a back seat.


I was sat in the office of my good friend Francis Cole at Cole Security Services in Bolton this morning when my Smartie Phone chimed at midday. “Whoops” I thought as that noise only happens to remind me of important happenings for the following day. If I had missed that chiming then tomorrow (27/2/2014) could well have been my last day on this planet. Saved by the Chime. The required card was purchased and is ready to hand over in the morrow to the Good Lady herself.


That is worth a Tesco Moment.


Just so I do not create too much confusion the current date on which I am writing this Blog is 26/2/2014 and the time is heading towards 9.30pm – and tomorrow 49 years ago ?????


Tomorrow is also our Bin Day – or rather Bins – Brown and Green this time. I have just been out to lug them round from our back garden to the front and guess what ??? A car shot past along Turks Road definitely ignoring not just the 20mph signs but easily passing the 30mph limit – and it wasn’t a taxi!!!!!!

Subscribe to comments feed Comments (2 posted)

ted 27/02/2014 06:56:04
Never ever thought you would leave us John. Your compositions are always an hilarious read and a valuable part of LCB folklore.

As for Turks Road it is now, like many roads, converted into a mountainous range, either humps or pot holes, the humps are highlighted with luminous paint, pot holes are secretive depths. Many motorists who travel over these 'mountainous' regions suffer suspension and steering problems with their vehicles costing hundreds of pounds, non of which is re-claimable from the local authority. It matters not how you drive either. All done in the name of safety but your personal health is forgottem, ooooh my back.

John please keep writing to us all, the LCB website isn't the same without your scribblings. It matters not whether its cruising, plastic bins, humps, bumps, zoo's, Tesco, or the glorious Shakers, but please lets have more entertainment.

Best wishes to Mrs. Heaton, your family and yourself. See you on the boundary edge.

I'm off to Aldi.
ted 27/02/2014 07:43:13
John I just knew you would not be away for too long. I do so much enjoy your entertaining compositions.

Turks Road, like many more, has now become subjected to peaks and troughs, the peaks are highlighted in luminous paint whilst the troughs are deep, damaging and often filled with dirty oily water. On roads such as these, residents, who have unfortunately been inflicted with this mess, are often victims of huge repair bills for damage to steering and suspension joints on their vehicles, no matter what speed you traverse the road, all with no acceptance of liability by the local council.

No need to go to Blackpool now John, the big dipper is on your front door step, enhanced by colourful recepticles, often personalised with modern art numbering. This is progress John.

Have Cunard beached their fleet of magnificent ships? You wont enjoy flying with its restrictive cabin movement, no pool or deck loungers, and a very poor captains table with tepid food served on paper plates with plastic cutlery.

Lets have more scribblings about your travels, the zoo, Tesco, the Shakers, and the workings of the inner sanctum of headquarters highlighting the coffee machine in the Officer's mess.

Hope Mrs. Heaton, your family and yourself are well, best wishes.


PS I'm off to Aldi
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