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What a Really Good Idea

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What a Really Good Idea

Think the Bolton League will take it on board

The Sunday just gone was a really nice sunny one and for once my ride to Emirates Old Trafford with young Thomas was not completed in tippling rain like all the others so far. In actual fact there were two potential trips in line on Sunday as Sophie was playing footie at Bispham. Mrs Heaton Junior decided to take that task although I have been to Bispham with Sophie before usually when the weather has been wet and very windy. Bispham yesterday was just like EOT but with a difference. Apart from being very sunny it was also very, very, very quiet. Someone at the headquarters of the Lancashire Football Association has had an absolutely smashing idea and he had managed to persuade a good number of leagues and clubs with junior teams to “BE QUIET” – this did not mean the players but instead the spectators. There had to be no shouting, no swearing, no abusing the ref and so on. All spectators could do was either cheer or clap. I only got to find about this when Sophie returned to take part in the weekly Heaton Sunday Feast at Chez Turks Road. Now I have been to Sophie’s matches before and I can truly say that the Westbury supporters are well behaved but I also have to say that I have been at some of her matches when some of the opposition have been way over the top. Now I am not sure whether this was a one off or whether it is intended it continues but it has got me thinking – which as you know can be a dangerous thing.

 

There are many, many things that really irritate me with the two main sports I watch – cricket and football. The behaviour of some parents and spectators at junior cricket and football matches is high on the list and I would fully support any efforts to push this new idea further. There have been many initiatives over the years to try and tackle these problems – RESPECT being the biggest. The problem in football is that most youngsters who play junior football at weekends and their parents also watch their local club or more likely watch football on TV – something I do. I have been finding it more and more depressing though because week in and week out now I see things happen on my television screen that all these kids see. Like for example – this weekend alone there were multiple incidents of players going down poleaxed, rolling over eleventeen times and looking like they were about to breathe their last  - all with the intention of either getting their opponent booked or sent off. On a couple of occasions when matters have been ignored by the referee and play has gone on the said player has realised his performance has gained “null points” and he has got up and recommenced his duties without the need of a plaster or major surgery. I have to say that my weekly viewing of Spanish football has led to me to believe that they are at the moment far superior to the Premier League in terms of these incidents of simulation although we are catching up pretty quickly.

 

What amazes me is that I am sure the legislators in high office within the Premiership see what I see – and yet it is allowed to go week after week after week.

 

Another thing that drives me potty is what happens now whenever someone scores a goal. I am sure players must spend hours every week either as part of their training planning what they are going to do when they score a goal. That performance by “that” Chelsea player – I refuse to name him – at the weekend after doing said scoring of a goal must have come about following a lengthy training session taken by a member of RADA at the training ground. RADA = Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. Can anyone tell me why we now also have this epidemic of players scoring goals heading towards the corner flag and then sucking a thumb.

 

What would I suggest ??

 

Well first of all we should have a fifth referee watching the match coverage and when he sees a replay which clearly shows simulation then he can then speak to the referee over the headphones and say “Player Number 10 for Thingy City has just simulated – off with his head.”

 

How do we get round these more and more infantile celebrations after doing the simple task of what you are being paid to do? We should have a big clock at the side of the ground which is activated by the referee after a goal has been scored and counts down from 20 seconds. After 20 seconds a very loud klaxon should sound and the referee blows his whistle to restart the match even if there are still players pantomiming away in the corner. Simples.

 

I somehow or other think my ideas have not got a chance – but I can just envisage an after match interview with Josie Murinwho this past weekend when said Chelsea player was still doing his impression of Hamlet at the corner flag with some of his mates and the ref restarted the game because he was fed up of waiting for the performances to be acted out thus allowing the Spurs to shoot up to the other end and score.

 

I mentioned the Bolton League at the top – where do they come in. Well it just happens that this coming season I will probably watch more Bolton League cricket than any other. What I have to say could well apply to other Leagues as well. I have constructed a Wish List based on the LFA’s weekend ideas.

 

RESPECT FOR CRICKET – PLAYERS RULES

 

Example One – Batsman being given out by Umpire.

 

If the Umpire indicates you are out caught behind – tuck your bat under your arm and leave the field.

Do not stand and look totally bewildered as you know you hit the ball if only lightly.

Do not pass comment to the umpire concerned.

Ignore the opponent who is giving you a good traditional send off.

When you get to the dressing room door do not shout any obscenities with implications about the umpire’s upbringing.

When inside the dressing room do not chuck your very expensive bat down on the hard concrete floor.

 

Example 2 – Bowler having been denied an appeal for caught behind by an Umpires.

 

Do not stand and look at the Umpire as though he has committed a major crime.

Remove hands from hips and walk back to bowl next ball.

Avoid gestures to fellow team mates and spectators questioning the Umpires sanity.

Do not at the end of the over approach the batsman and accuse him of not walking.

 

Example Three – Fielder in the deep at square leg who made the loudest appeal of everybody but only just a split second after the bowler.

 

Feel ashamed.

Do not join in with the bowler in expressing your feelings about the umpire’s decision loudly

Make sure when you move at the end of the over to square leg on the other side that you do not speak loudly about the fact that batsmen no longer “walk” even when they have knocked the cover off.

 

Final Example (as I am getting bored) involves the player who has decided that although he is not the best player in the team that he will most definitely be the loudest.

 

Could this player please promise not to shout………

 

COME ON LADS - WE’RE NOT MAKING ENOUGH NOISE” whilst clapping very loud and gesticulating with his fists.

 

Amazing what rubbish I spout at times all provoked by someone at the Lancashire Football Association. He should get a medal and well done Westbury Girls parents who did exactly as they were asked to do on Sunday – Cheer and Clap.

 

I must finish my epistle tonight with another medal – well two. One must go to the photographer who had the idea and carried it out but the other must go to the Captain of the Queen Mary 2 who went along with the idea and helped to produce this amazing picture.

 

I have seen and taken many pictures of the Queen Mary 2 but none show the incredible size of this ocean liner more than this.

 

Well done Captain Kevin Osprey perched on the "Bulbous Nose" at the very tip of the QM2.

 

 

See what I mean

 

That’s all for now folks.

 

Not long before we will be boarding that Richard Brunson’s plane to whisk us over to the sun.

 

As it is all inclusive I had better get some practice in.

 

Just think – in just three weeks’ time the County’s first Championship match will be under way.

The above pics will become part of my Cruise Blog. Many thanks for all the wonderful responses to my last Cricket Blog asking for potential support for my "Cruise Blog Spectacular". All I got was two sets of comments from Lord Ted with no reference to the Cruise Blog. Did you hear Bumble going on about the cruise ship he is staying on in Barbados during the 20/20 on the island yesterday.

Well this this is a picture of his massive cruise ship this time in Antigua. Now look at the QM2 and then look at the SeaDream One. Guess which is the more expensive to cruise on ????

 

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